"Who are you, do you know, I don't think you do. Perhaps you forgotten, perhaps you never knew."
To know who you are that's a wonderful thing. To understand yourself that's something truly special. Most of my life I avoided defining myself as much as possible. I was never willing to check the little box, to set in stone what I liked or didn't like, what I thought about, dreamed about. I never wanted to choose, to be categorized. How could a piece of paper tell me who I am or what I should be, it doesn't know me, it doesn't know anything. And while I hope to never lose that mentality, I have accepted that there are things that I don't like, and that there are things that I can't get enough of... even if I'm not always clear on what those thing are, a part of me always know for sure.
I am conflicted, and contradicted. I am simple complexity. I am different just like everyone else. I like oxymoron's, but not jumbo shrimp.
I can't worry about the world, about the less fortunate, about the sick and abused - but I do. Every time I get upset, I know I truly have no right, as there is someone much worse off this night. I get up set for being upset – a mind trap. So I can't worry about the world, but I do.
I give thanks for what I have, I acknowledge my fortune, my life rich in love, health and safety. But I know who I am and I am far from perfect and I will take it for granite. I will do what I can to help my fellow man, in fact I feel guilty when I don't. I should have held the door for you, I believe in chivalry through and through.
I have been waiting, afraid, of what to do if you came, would I see you, know you, remember your name? I think about you, I worry if you're all right, if I'm lucky I'll see you in my dreams tonight.
Who are you? You are in a word amazing. You blow me away. You are why I awake each day. You are beautiful, you are kind, you are strong, and you are smart – so you understand that inanimate objects have no intelligence, their just moving parts. You don't smoke, you don't drink, and have strong beliefs, in yourself at least. You like film and movies, you can act, you can sing, you like red roses, and perhaps a small diamond ring. You laugh at every stupid little joke I ever make. I say that, like that because it's a quote. You make me a better person, you make me happy, you make me care, and without you I feel lost, invisible as thin air. I long for you, I need you, I wish you were here. To hold you and kiss you and whisper in your ear, that I love you, so deeply, my one and only, my dear.
I can love you without knowing you because you are all I have ever had. But to have lived all these years without you I can't help but be sad. With you is where my happiness lives, it's the most spectacular thing you have to give. I was born as incomplete, and you are my missing peace. The only piece that means anything to me, the rest I'd give away for free, as they truly don't matter you see. For I am broken, and you make me whole, and once I have you, I'll never want to let go. On this quest for my near perfect girl, the one with the key to change my whole world. For perfect is implausible - and something I don't want. But in my eyes you are, you have no flaws.
Waiting for my life to begin, waiting for the world to spin. The moment we meet I will finally feel, what it's like to live for real. As this life, it is not mine, it's a sham, a waste of time. As every moment spent without you by my side, is a moment that I can't help but despise. Is a moment that makes me cry, as I'm still just a wooden boy, I'm not real, I'm not yet alive.
So who am I? I am everything I want you to be, but you have to be you and I have to be me.
This may seem silly, and perhaps a bit sad, but it's who I am, it's not quite what I meant to do, it's not quite what I planned. But it's what I did, so some part of it must be right, for that's how I have always lived my life. So consider my boxes checked, consider myself defined, but know that here I could never truly express, the who, that I am, in my mind.
Current Residence: Midland
deviantWEAR sizing preference: M
Favourite genre of music: Whatever sounds good
Favourite photographer: Nick D. Clements
Operating System: XP, Vista
MP3 player of choice: iPod
Skin of choice: My Own
Favourite cartoon character: Homer